What do you want your kids to say about your marriage?
Scenario: You wake up one day, you meet Prince Charming, fall in love, get married and live HAPPILY ever after.
Anyone who has ever been married can speak to this with enthusiasm. We wish it did! We see the movies and hear the songs and long for the easiness of life in love. Then, after the first year of marriage, we find ourselves in marriage counseling wondering what went wrong and how to fix THEM. The partner. Because we surely did no wrong.
A huge part of our healing came when we asked ourselves this very question with full intent on changing the generational curses for our kids’ heritage.
So.. What do YOU want your kids to say about your marriage?
Someday when they are grown and have families of their own, they’re going to look to YOU and the values and memories you instilled in them to run their household.
They are inevitably going to say things like “I don’t know why I yell so much, my parents did so I guess I can too.”
Or maybe it will be “Divorce is no big deal. It runs in the family.”
If you don’t think that you play a major roll in the future of our society, think again. This is the future! Your Marriage should be the number one relationship in your life… besides Jesus, of course. If you don’t have a good marriage, it is likely that your kids won’t either. Conflict resolution and intimacy building are learned skills, not usually natural ones. And with the parents being the first and most important influence on a child, you can be sure your kids are getting a message. What kind of message are you portraying?
I’d like to introduce a few not-so-common-sense ideas my husband and I have learned in our marriage. These are the things my kids will say about their parents’ marriage someday.
1. My kids will say that their parents NEVER said the big “D” word.
We learned a long time ago that introducing that one little, but powerful word into a fight was a death sentence. Once we took out the option, of getting out, it was like we HAD to figure things out. Turns out, not everyone goes into a marriage -a covenant- with that kind of thinking. Seems to me we need to be better educating our youth about what marriage means… But that’s for another post.
2. My kids will say we fought.. In front of them
I hate when people tell you to never, ever disagree in front of the children. Like, ya, let’s bubble the little suckers up as much as we can and then throw them to the wolves. Nope. That’s not my job. My job is to train up my children in the way that they should go so when they’re adults they won’t part from it. How do I do that without modeling? My husband and I disagree. We’re different people. Arguments happen. We don’t throw things (anymore). We don’t name call but we do use ridiculous amounts of “I” statements. We model a good conflict resolution and *bonus* they grow up learning that no one is perfect and the person is more important than the issue. They don’t grow up thinking that they’re entitled to a perfect marriage.
3. My kids will say that we were super affectionate in front of them
My hubby loves to grab or pat my behind as much as he possibly can. I do the same to him. We kiss, we hug, we hold hands, we snuggle… And we mean it. Because my body is no longer my own and neither is his. My kids will never say their parents weren’t affectionate. But we definitely have a lock on our door for those more intimate moments that are appropriately saved because we also don’t want our kids to say that we scarred them for life! 😀👎
4. My kids will say that we made financial decisions…together
This is certainly one of those harder subjects in marriage and, let’s be honest, sometimes we still disagree in this area but we have modeled for our kids that it pays to be on the same page with the financial issues. My kids will value this when they look back at all the trips we made as a family and the variety of sports and lessons they got to do while not living in a cardboard box.
5. My kids will say that we put our marriage first
We have no problem ditching the kids for a weekend away because if we don’t put *us* first, then our household cannot be fortified and that is the most important thing. I understand this can be especially difficult for moms… But LET THEM GO! Cling to your spouse, the person you CHOSE to spend the rest of your life with! They deserve it. And so do your kids.
What things do you hope your kids will say about your marriage when they grow up? How are you going to make that a goal today?
Make good choices,