Everything is Fixable

I love my job. Have I mentioned that before?? This time I’m talking about the sex education job, getting to teach the truth about sex and share my testimony over and over. This week I am in an all-girls 8th grade class where we kind of introduce the notion that they are more than just a physical being – that sex is a really big deal, inside and outside of marriage.

In this particular job, we have outlines to follow that are in line with district standards across the board. We use activities to get the point across and I especially love the conversations that ensue from them. These sweet 8th graders’ questions are REAL and pure and intense at times. And other times they are just funny. Kids are HILARIOUS.

Today, as we were talking about consequences of sex and how one might be bigger than another, I asked a question that I ask all of my classes because I think this message is important; “What is the one thing in life that is not ‘fixable’?”
One little girl raised her hands and shouted “Herpes!”
It was… Awesome. We laughed together as a class because I just told them what a virus was and that it’s not curable. But in the same moment, she confirmed for me why I do this. Why I feel so deeply for these kids. I am definitely an advocate for abstinence (Because of my story not in spite of it). I am pro-life. I am pretty old fashioned and conservative but I also know the day we live in. I know what these kids are facing and I. Get. Them.

In a world where the media rules, majority opinion rules over fact and truth, and what used to be considered inappropriate is now not only appropriate but trendy, these sweet kids are… For lack of a better word… Confused. They have no idea what is right or wrong. Only the opinions of their parents and other influences can determine that, and if the parents are under the influence of the media…well…
These parents are effectively raising this generation to be narcissistic, trend following zombies void of Truth. Respect. Honor. Self control. Not all of them. But a lot.

What’s happening is by the time I am getting to these kids they have likely already had some experience in the area or have the people around them unintentionally giving them the message that they should. I have seen so much tragedy the last year of teaching than in all my own years of middle and high school and raising my own kids.

So back to the question. What is it? What is the one thing that cannot be fixed in life?

Death.

Think about it. Death can never fix life. If these kids get too many messages that they are not good enough or that there is no way out of their situation, they are at a much higher risk for suicide.

Did that just get a little too heavy for you? Read on.

Suicide is the 2nd leading cause of death for ages 10-25 years old with Colorado being one of the states with the HIGHEST rate*

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So what should we be doing?

1. We need to be telling our kids the truth
Parents. Its our job to train up our child. Its important that we teach them right from wrong in the beginning so they will always have a voice in their head. Kids do dumb things. Its part of their development but we play a vital role in communicating the values and morals that our kids carry for the rest of their lives. Speak truth to them and be consistent.

2. Speaking of truth, what IS the truth?
I have said this time and time again to my inquiries… In order to TEACH you have to KNOW the subject. And by KNOW I mean KNOW… You know? You must believe with all of your heart that what you’re teaching your child is the truth of all truths. Facts. What do you believe about the world, God, promiscuity, drugs, broccoli, respect, gender, bullies…? Such a long list and this isn’t even the tip of the iceberg! Parents, I want to challenge you to call a meeting with the spouse and other adult influences in your kids’ lives to determine your world view and how you are passing that legacy down. Because you need to know where you stand on these issues BEFORE they arise.

3. Speaking of influence…
Who is your child’s greatest influence, other than you? If you said friends you’d be half correct. Their friends… And the media… Is IN their heads. When I say media I am talking about movies, news, magazines, music, and especially social (FB, Twitter, YouTube, IG, etc). The eyes are the windows to the soul and if what they are being exposed to tells them they have to be in the “IN” crowd to survive… And these things most definitely ARE… then we’re not doing our job well. Now, I like a good Mean Girls party as much as the next #90skidd but my daughter was to a certain maturity that I deemed appropriate before she watched it. And when she did it was with me. And we talked about it. All the way through the movie..lots of talking. Lots of questions and answers. Just her and me.
I’m not saying to never expose your kids to the world (because I personally believe if we do that they cannot effectively be a light in the darkness) but I am saying they need guidance and YOUR influence.

4. And the most important thing of all…
Drive it home that EVERYTHING IS FIXABLE. Everything.
I tell not only my own kids but especially my students, every single presentation, with tears in my eyes because I just can’t hold it back… Everything is fixable. The only thing not fixable is death. If you get an F on a paper, can we fix that? Yes! What if we can’t? Then we move on. This too shall pass. What about something more serious like the herpes we mentioned earlier?? Herpes is not curable but it can be managed. I tell them that we can figure anything out.
These kids are so afraid of the what ifs and are literally STUCK in the moment (it has everything to do with how the teenaged brain is developed) that they simply can’t see what’s next. That’s why adults tend to think teens are “so dramatic”. Kids just can’t. Teens just can’t. Its our job to speak life and truth over them and to make sure they have a safe and consistent place to come home to. I’m pretty sure if more kids heard THAT mesage we’d have a much lower suicide statistic to deal with, especially here in Colorado.

We get ONE CHANCE, ladies and gentlemen, to raise a good, noble, productive member of society. You’ve heard the saying, “The hand that rocks the cradle rules the world”? Well this is how. Take your job seriously and raise this generation so that they can effectively make a good next generation themselves.

Make good choices,
Becky

What Do You Want Your Kids To Say About Your Marriage?

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What do you want your kids to say about your marriage?

Scenario: You wake up one day, you meet Prince Charming, fall in love, get married and live HAPPILY ever after.

Aw… ❤

Truth:
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Anyone who has ever been married can speak to this with enthusiasm. We wish it did! We see the movies and hear the songs and long for the easiness of life in love. Then, after the first year of marriage, we find ourselves in marriage counseling wondering what went wrong and how to fix THEM. The partner. Because we surely did no wrong.

A huge part of our healing came when we asked ourselves this very question with full intent on changing the generational curses for our kids’ heritage.

So.. What do YOU want your kids to say about your marriage?

Someday when they are grown and have families of their own, they’re going to look to YOU and the values and memories you instilled in them to run their household.
They are inevitably going to say things like “I don’t know why I yell so much, my parents did so I guess I can too.”
Or maybe it will be “Divorce is no big deal. It runs in the family.”

If you don’t think that you play a major roll in the future of our society, think again. This is the future! Your Marriage should be the number one relationship in your life… besides Jesus, of course. If you don’t have a good marriage, it is likely that your kids won’t either. Conflict resolution and intimacy building are learned skills, not usually natural ones. And with the parents being the first and most important influence on a child, you can be sure your kids are getting a message. What kind of message are you portraying?

I’d like to introduce a few not-so-common-sense ideas my husband and I have learned in our marriage. These are the things my kids will say about their parents’ marriage someday.

1. My kids will say that their parents NEVER said the big “D” word.
We learned a long time ago that introducing that one little, but powerful word into a fight was a death sentence. Once we took out the option, of getting out, it was like we HAD to figure things out. Turns out, not everyone goes into a marriage -a covenant- with that kind of thinking. Seems to me we need to be better educating our youth about what marriage means… But that’s for another post.

2. My kids will say we fought.. In front of them
I hate when people tell you to never, ever disagree in front of the children. Like, ya, let’s bubble the little suckers up as much as we can and then throw them to the wolves. Nope. That’s not my job. My job is to train up my children in the way that they should go so when they’re adults they won’t part from it. How do I do that without modeling? My husband and I disagree. We’re different people. Arguments happen. We don’t throw things (anymore). We don’t name call but we do use ridiculous amounts of “I” statements. We model a good conflict resolution and *bonus* they grow up learning that no one is perfect and the person is more important than the issue. They don’t grow up thinking that they’re entitled to a perfect marriage.

3. My kids will say that we were super affectionate in front of them
My hubby loves to grab or pat my behind as much as he possibly can. I do the same to him. We kiss, we hug, we hold hands, we snuggle… And we mean it. Because my body is no longer my own and neither is his. My kids will never say their parents weren’t affectionate. But we definitely have a lock on our door for those more intimate moments that are appropriately saved because we also don’t want our kids to say that we scarred them for life! 😀👎

4. My kids will say that we made financial decisions…together

This is certainly one of those harder subjects in marriage and, let’s be honest, sometimes we still disagree in this area but we have modeled for our kids that it pays to be on the same page with the financial issues. My kids will value this when they look back at all the trips we made as a family and the variety of sports and lessons they got to do while not living in a cardboard box.

5. My kids will say that we put our marriage first
We have no problem ditching the kids for a weekend away because if we don’t put *us* first, then our household cannot be fortified and that is the most important thing. I understand this can be especially difficult for moms… But LET THEM GO! Cling to your spouse, the person you CHOSE to spend the rest of your life with! They deserve it. And so do your kids.

What things do you hope your kids will say about your marriage when they grow up? How are you going to make that a goal today?

Make good choices,

Becky

They call me the TrailBlazer

Do you ever feel like you just don’t fit in? Like, no matter where you’re placed at any moment in your life, you just don’t seem to fit in anywhere? That’s where I’m at. I am a wife. I am a mom. I have a job (that I LOVE so much). I am a Christian. I raise chickens for eggs. I have a mortgage. I live in close proximity to the elementary and middle school in our tiny town. I was on the board of the Chamber of Commerce for said tiny town for a couple of years. Did I mention I’m a mom? Well I started my family at 16 years old. I am a very YOUNG mom and wife.

I seem to not fit in anywhere. Not in a single one of these rolls. How can that be? Why does it look so easy for everyone else to fit in somewhere, to find their place, their meaning.. but not for me. Have you ever felt such an ache?

God has called me to be the trailblazer. To blaze the trail of marriage and family for my corner of the world. I’m not saying that what I stand on or believe is new by any means, for there is nothing new under the sun. But it’s new to us. and Life, at least in my eyes, becomes so much easier to navigate when we don’t have to figure out so much on our own. Well, that’s my job. I have been appointed to the calling of running ahead of the pack, finding the danger, fighting the good fight and coming out on the other side to help the rest through.

I don’t get to fit in right now, and that’s OK. Maybe I never will but God has an amazing story on my life and He is guiding me so that I can continue to guide YOU. I am right where I am supposed to be… and so are you.

Make good choices,

Becky